Portals have been Opened and Demons have been Released
It was sad as hell. I was staring deep into the face of misery. When December came, I immediately sensed the ghosts that came with it, surrounding me, frightening me, killing me. The last month of the year has suddenly become the perfect setting for the reign of futility and gloom – portals have been opened and demons have been released. And what was I, a hopeless, mediocre, and sophomoric 19-year old, supposed to do?
Not that I could do anything about it. All my life I have tried to live knowing full well that every day there are untold possibilities for every one of us, tragic, wonderful, or serene events just waiting to happen, like curative potions waiting to be selected and administered by an apothecary or like magic spells waiting to be pronounced and cast by a sorcerer. When those things could happen, and they do happen, and one knows that it is just a matter of opportunity, beneficial or injurious, then, I suppose one could then live his life with a little less stupidity. When there are an infinite number of things to do and an infinite amount of chance for things to happen, whatever sort, then, one would then feel bad about wasting time.
But I was dead wrong. My entire skeptic arsenal proves terribly inadequate to meet the demands of my misery. Things I never have dreamed of happen, and things that I don’t suppose would do me any harm end up almost killing me. I thought I knew it all, I thought I could calculate it all, and I thought I could face it all. But in the end, like most self-proclaimed sages, I end up being obliterated by the prophets of fortune, by the apostles of destiny. I could not foresee the future, but I lived like I could, and so I ended up as miserable as a pretender could be.
I am too young to talk about absolute failure, about permanent doom, necessary non-existence. But that is just exactly what I mean, and it is the most salient feature of this near-ending life – I am too young for all these, and yet all these have come. They did not hold holy that I have not even reached yet my twentieth birthday. Funny. In the movies they always had to say it, as also with the news. But now I know, no one is too young to die. Nobody can be too young to die, and death is blind about age. If there is one thing true in the world, it is that all of us earthlings die. And no one can claim that it could not yet be his time. The time for death can be anytime at all. And that is what is absolutely tragic, wonderful, and serene about it.
