Another Dharma Bum
I’m trying my best to maintain a positive outlook throughout this summer, and naturally I have to be optimistic about this whole scheme. Not that I can finally shake off, once and for all, all the bad vibes and unpleasant situations that may come my way ( and sure they are coming my way). But it is past midnight and at the end of the day (actually, the start of a new day) I still see myself staring at the clear, dark summer sky and sighing ‘oh well’, unable to go to sleep.
Today I woke up early and had a big breakfast and an early cold bath and got dressed and went with my neighborhood friends to the nearby school and its nice court to play some games of basketball. The team I was in won every game we had, and that certain morning freshness and the victorious summer scent that came with the sunrise gave me a good sense of calm and contentment. I went home and made myself a big cup of coffee, then I cleaned my room. A little later as I was taking a rest in the kitchen with a glass of water before me my tummy told me I had to go and have a dump. So sitting on my throne and cigarette in hand I unloaded what I had inside me and I felt good. I saw the sunlight peering through the bathroom window and I was quite delighted by the sight of the puffs of smoke meeting the warm sunlight and I felt calm. Then I realized this was a taste of heaven. Or it must be, for if it were not, then, why did it feel so good? Suddenly I was reminded of the club song Groovejet (If this ain’t love) by DJ Spiller and Sophie Ellis-Bextor, remnants of my former Channel V fixation five years ago.
That afternoon I slept to my heart’s content. I didn’t bother turning the aircon on to help my mother not get a ridiculous electricity bill, so I woke at about 4:30 pm wet with sweat and parched but I didn’t really mind, I was well rested anyway. Surprisingly, the torn muscles and minor bruises I had sustained (or rather, I always sustain) during basketball did not seem to be there at all. I was feeling light and strong, although earlier I had felt a bone or some ligament in my left foot get twisted or something. It had been a very good day until I went downstairs and got my phone.
I was asking my crush to have some snacks near a foodstore near her place but she refused; she told me that she had just come home from UP, since she had to return some books. Oh well, I asked, why didn’t she ask me to go with her but then I realized it must have been a stupid question since if I looked at it objectively then why the hell will she have to go inform me about the whole thing so I decided ok I’m so used to this so I just said I think I’ll just go and write a sad and frustrating novel, bearing Ishiguro’s The Unconsoled in mind. Then my parents got home and for some reason I could not disclose we had a rare argument that could have been nasty (my fault, of course). Feeling the disappointment building up inside me , I got my jeans and a gray shirt and my canvass Chuck Taylors and went outside, clutching a Kerouac book. I scavenged the streets for some friend or cousin that may be strolling around, but I found no one. So I walked some distance up the hilly streets and bought five Marlboro Lights worth ten pesos. Then I backtracked home.
Near my place is the barangay hall; I saw a few neighborhood kids (elder than me) sitting, chatting idly. I decided I might as well join them and I did so, offering my cigarettes. Someone asked for one and we smoked. Then I realized that behind me a new playground was built and the neighborhood autistic kid was in the swings, singing Manny Villar’s campaigh jingle. Then the guy sitting beside me suggested that we go quiz the kid; I asked how and he asked the kid, what is the capital of Argentina and the kid, still in the swing, that big massive kid, drooling, answered, Buenos Aires! Then the guy asked, England? The kid said London. Another guy asked, Hawaii and the kid said Honolulu. The guy beside me said, Tokyo and the kid said Japan and so on. Finally I asked, Cotabato and the kid said Kidapawan and we all laughed heartily, impressed. Then a guy said, Diliman and the kid said Quezon City. We laughed again. Then we asked him Quezon and the kid said Diliman and we retorted, Quezon Province and the kid looked genuinely distressed and so he left the swings and ran away. I said he may be going home to research and we smoked and smoked.
Before sunset the guys left and there were just two of us in the swings, the guy with me 4 years older and a hundred pounds heavier. We talked a little about the weather and the coming summer break and smoked; I would then be silent for certain stretches reading my Kerouac while he was apparently contemplating the fate of the Havanas he was wearing, worn out and ruddy and all. Then we heard an ambulance siren going off somewhere and we said goodbye, I going home.
I spent the greater part of the evening talking with the younger girls who were all bugging me about my friendster and they told me stories about their own lovelives, asking me for advice and all, and I kept saying things inconsequentially. High school kids who apparently knew more about life and love than me. then I got a little bored with it all and since the street lamps weren’t so bright I couldn’t read my book and the bench we were sitting on was getting a little too uncomfortable I got up and lent the book to a girl and I said I’ll be back. I walked a few steps toward the nearest sari-sari store and bought a Coke and smoked the rest f my cigarettes, talking occasionally with some people I knew who happened to pass me by. Then I realized it was late and I got back to where I left the girls and I found out that they were gone and my book wasn’t there too so I wondered and I just walked back to my house and I saw my Kerouac placed in the hood of my car which was parked right in front the house and I said holy shit lucky my mad and evil black cat didn’t see it and rip it and all. I took it and I stared at the sky. Boy I didn’t know now what to feel and I felt sad and all and I suddenly felt chills down my spine and I was really disturbed by everything and anything and I thought of my crush and I wondered whether she ever thought of me at all because she was always on my mind and it made me so sad. Well I thought, finally, if I weren’t sad then it wouldn’t have been me, baby. So it was just fine and everything seemed ok again and I felt quite well but sad as hell, still.
