Cheering
(birth determines personality)
Second week, law school. The rains have started. There should be no more excuses for tardiness. There should be no more reasons for procrastination. There are just two things left: doubt and guilt.
(were it not for the inherent impossibility)
Who feels the strain of the cases and readings steadily piling? Higher and higher, harder and harder. I do. Hell, If I studied like this during undergrad I guess I would have made more people proud. And how about the doubts? Am I really for law school? Is law school really for me? Corny as it may be (as I have thought of it back then), now I am finding that short movie during the orientation a little too real. Haha, nakakarelate na ko. Whichever way I put it, the doubts still beckon me towards frustration. I need redemption. I need something to raise my spirits up.
(should commit an offense while on a philippine ship or airship)
And the guilt, ah yes. Teachers not showing up lately, or not teaching. Two weeks. It would be nice for them not to show up but definitely bad for our bar exams (if I may set my sights too far). Yes, the free times and vacant scheds should give relief, but not. Guilt trip, guilt trip. How can I smoke calmly when every smoking break I have the “shit I should be in the lib making the digests” monologue in mind? (even though living abroad) Is law school a calling? Perhaps. But for myself, I don’t think so. I am enjoying the precious free moments with the block right now. No ifs, no buts, no guilt, no doubt. But definitely, acads-wise, I am lagging behind.
(cannot allege the incapacity of those)
So I highlight another sentence and right down another fact. I memorize one short article, the long, complicated ones I leave to chance. I stare at the teacher in front, pretending to be god. I catch a quick glance at someone, brooding, smiling, reading, anyone at all. I hope nobody understands the teacher. I hope everyone thinks this way too. There is the future but must I die before I come to terms with it?
(persons who are authorized in this Code to obligate themselves)
Outside, UP is dreary and dirty. The sunken garden is more of a mud pool. There are no friendly faces outside the block. Ah, the rains have begun.
(extinguished by death).XXX
petitioned denied, costs against it.
