Confused-Shoes

i’ve got to be honest.

this is one of my favorite days ever during my brief stay in up law.

you told me the night before that sometimes i should be a little of a tease. I can’t undo anything anymore and I don’t see the point in starting all over again. As far as I can see, the past 21 years of my life were all just stepping stones that led me to that ice-cream walk with you.

and just seeing myself beside you, ice-creams green and red under skies of blue.

you are beautiful. every single moment.

not even all the sweetest kisses in the world would compare to the beauty that is you.

you’re beautiful.

During the height of Frank’s wrath, I was busy imagining myself finding lasting happiness at last.

The weekend gave rise to the bizarre situation where I was in love in the middle of the storm and left in misery just as soon as the storm has passed.

I mean, it should have been the other way around.

Maybe Frank gave me the frank-ness that I needed in order to say the things I had to say. He was in the pacific ocean when I began wading through the waves of infatuation. He was ravaging the philippine sea and i was being consumed by the desire to confess. He was sinking ships in the sibuyan sea and I was offering myself up completely. Alas, he was near manila bay as I thought of her the entire sunday.

Suddenly negotiations broke down. I was left by myself once more and Frank, internationally known as Fengshen, was well on his way towards the south china sea.

The storm is so far away.
drown me. I wish to drown myself. But i must keep on living. Man, too many storms have come and gone.
Heartbreaks are not anomalies anymore. But me being cool about it is definitely anomalous.

You should consider me again. I might have been good.

I paid my old school a visit.

I walked around the corridors that gave me my childhood. i stared at the windows were years before i stared at my crushes. I peed in the urinals where i contemplated the reality of being an early teenager.

I saw the desks were i carved my name and my 1st girlfriend’s. I watched the orbit of the ceiling fans were not too long ago i stared at the very sight while dumbfounded for the answers to the trigonometry exam. I roamed the fields where when i was three inches shorter we used to dance like maniacs around a grand bonfire. I checked the hidden spots where i first took my fling for a stolen french kiss.

I sat on the stage of the room where i used to wait for my bandmates while they were tuning the guitars. I wrote on the blackboards where 6 years ago I was so pressured to complete the solution for a problem regarding trajectory. I rested my head momentarily in the tree where the bully slammed my head when i was still wearing shorts for school.

I greeted the guards who remained, and the teachers who were still as gracious as they were. I inserted my hands into the openings in the glass pane of the registar’s window where i used to steal excuse slips and permits. I ran up and down the steps where my old barkada used to hang out whenever we were waiting for the bus to take us away.

I thought i found myself again.

I ain’t gonna lose it anymore.